So, it's been a decade since I last posted a "news" and had a big sob about how I didn't like NG anymore etc etc...
I first pirated FL Studio back in 2009 without any music theory, instrument knowledge or common sense - hoping to become a super successful producer like my heroes Daft Punk and Deadmau5, or making it to the NG Frontpage like ParagonX9, EnV or cornandbeans.
Obviously I sucked shit (and arguably still do), exporting .mp3s ranging from "un-listenable" to "tinnitus fuel."
Unfortunately as music became the only creative output I could consistently finish - I ended up attaching a majority of my self-worth/validation to it and its reception.
Few listens on SoundCloud, few listens (and some nice critique) on NewGrounds, nobody at school cared. In fact, someone in my class picked up FL and immediately surpassed anything I could have hoped to make.
(All this doesn't bother me so much now, but for my teenage self experiencing the loneliest time in their life - it sure did then).
Although my need for a stranger's validation of my shitty hobby waned a little over the years - it still didn't stop me posting to NewGrounds and enjoying the fact at least someone has listened to what I made.
Close to 30 and continuing to struggle making sense of my life and what I am, I made SOULKILLER. As usual, I thought I'd upload it to NewGrounds for my usual crumb of listens and continue on with my life.
Then... "Frontpaged"???
The Audio frontpage, sure...
Over 15 years past NewGrounds' prime, sure...
Almost immediately pushed to the next page by another load of submissions? Sure...
But I did it - it was there and I saw it.
They would have been proud. I suppose I am too.
